slow down, deep breaths and get yourself dressed instead of running around pulling all your threads and breaking yourself up

if it's a broken part, replace it, if it's a broken arm then brace it, if it's a broken heart then face it.. and hold your own, know your name and go your own way and everything will be fine. are the details in the fabric, are the things that make you panic, are your thoughts results of static cling? are the things that make you blow, hell, no reason, go on and scream. if you're shocked it's just the fault of faulty manufacturing.

yeah everything will be fine, everything in no time at all, everything.

I adore this song and I thought it was very fitting to me at the moment. Recently I've just been a bundle of nerves and panic. I had my piano recital practice and I couldn't stop shaking and got rather upset. The actual recital is on Friday and I've started taking 'Kalms' to keep me calm as it so happens! The other plan was to get really drunk.. but somehow I don't think that would be the way to go. My friend Alastair started reading me his phycology work about "social-phobias" and the definition was me all over! I mean, I know everyone gets nervous but I seem to manage to put myself under stupid amounts of pressure and panic like crazy. When he said about "social-phobia includes the fear of being criticised in performing scenarios" and I think that's my main fear. I care so much about the piano and I want to do well and if I mess up I panic. So hopefully these 'Kalms' will work and I'm going to have chamomile tea before and bring Spencer the Bear with me for moral support/comfort for my recital - eek!

without a piano i don't know how to stand, don't know what to do with my hands.

the piano is the most beautiful instrument in the world. fact.

if i had never learned the piano my life would be very different, unfulfilled perhaps.

it keeps me calm if i'm upset, it can help vent my anger - it's perfect.

i love it. i just wanted to express my adoration for it.

and please, let me one day earn enough money to buy a grand piano and have a room to fit it in. thanks.

when you talk about destruction, well you know that you can count me out

I'm becoming such a hippy. I'm having such a thing about flowers at the moment. I so love the natural beauty in such things. I could happily spend hours sitting amongst the grass, in the sun, playing guitar, making daisy chains, drinking herbal teas - oh yes please. If being a hippy was an occupation I'd be applying straight away. Closest I've got is applying for a busking license, i need to get on that. Peace and Love ;D x

They were sitting, they were talking in the Strawberry Swing..

I'm in love with the blossom on the trees. The smell of sun cream is bringing back lovely memories. The warm sun on my face... lush! England, would you be so kind as to keep up this delightful weather, thank you! If it's not any trouble, I'd also like it to be warm enough to sit outside in the evening. Also, could you bring over some crickets to make it sound like I'm on holiday. Much love, Laura x

It's a kinda magic..

Last night we had a lot of fun with candles and incense. As soon as i walked in the door of Wolfies house I said "ooh! I can smell incense". This made me incredibly happy. I've always had a thing for candles and incense. I love the atmosphere it creates; you could tell from the way it was a pretty chilled evening. I think I love the orange, antique setting it creates. It seems fairly magical I s'pose.

I used to really be into magic and things. I would forever be talking about different kinds of fairies, I don't as much anymore. I remember as a kid there was a place in my garden, that has since been cut away, that was totally overgrown with a tree and plants. I loved sitting in there and I used to close my eyes and then suddenly open them in the hope I would see a fairy flying by or sitting on the mushrooms. I used to think I'd seen them too, maybe my mind was playing tricks on me, or it was a bee, I'd like to believe though. My mum had this book of 'squashed fairies', I think I might have to have a rummage to go and find it after I've written this. I completely believed her when she said they were real fairies that had been squished like pressed flowers into the book. The fairies were incredible and looking at the artwork now, I'm in love with it still. I have books on fairies and different realms and things. So I'm going to agree with Peter Pan "I do believe in fairies, I do, I do!"

Daydream Believer

I saw this picture and I was like 'awhh'. As cute as it is it managed to make me sad. It made me realise that I so wish that exams didn't exist. I mean, I know everyone probably thinks this too but it still made me wish.

I realised that if it wasn't for silly a-levels I'd be having a lovely easter. I'd love to be spending my time by the lock in Camden with chinese food like we used to all the time. Sadly this couldn't be the case. Thing is, I haven't even done much revision! For this I am not happy with myself as it means I've spent an unnecessary amount of time at home thinking about doing revision.

Although, I did get to escape from thinking about a-levels for a lovely two days with Lloyd to Brighton. It was all perfect and sunny and I wish I could be there now! Even the car journey was nice, lovely chats, good music sitting looking out of the sun roof which I was oh so fond of; I loved looking at the clouds pass with the intense blue sky... even if I was ridiculed and called a loser for it :)! Ah I wish I could go back in time, but reality forbids it!

And there's monsters that are chasing me all day long but I ain't afraid of where the wild things are..

I'd like to think that I'm not scared of anything, but that's not the case. Not at all.

You could say that I'm known for being a little crazy, a bit of a loser at times, I suppose.

Someone who doesn't care what people think of them? I'd say that I believe that to a certain extent. I have my moments of confidence but in the back of my mind, in a lot of conversations, I will be thinking 'are they bored of me?', which could explain some of my eccentric behavior.

Music. I'm completely in awe of it. The way it can make you feel. The way in which certain melodies and lyrics provoke certain emotions or memories, I think it's incredible; Music is what feelings sound like. "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and cannot remain silent" - Victor Hugo.

I leave everything to the last minute, to the point where it looks like I don't care, even if I do. I am easily distracted, especially just by my own thoughts. I find it hard to sleep because I become so engrossed in a thought-track and I just can't stop. Consequently, I have an odd sleeping pattern.

I never used to be able to be open with anyone, ever. I, very recently, have now come to the realisation that this makes people feel distant from me. Therefore, I believe that this blog will help me express myself and give people an idea about me. This way I don't have to worry if people care what I'm talking about because if you don't, why are you still reading this?

Much love, Laura x